Tagged in a Swindling Fortress

This famous television network begged to interview so I gave them a chance. I perfectly know you won't bother reading the whole thing so I'm just gonna enjoy myself. Please do not laugh because laugh makes the world go round. Laugh is blind.

1. What was your last beverage?

I drank this nice glass of water with 3 cubes of ice. Apparently, there was some sort of insect floating about. I freaked out while screaming "I'm gonna die."

2. From whom was your last phone call?

My phone tells me it's from a person named Jesus. Oh my God.

3. From whom was your last text message?

It's from a person named John F. Kennedy. He tells me I should do something about my country, not to wait what my country can do for me.

4. What was the last song you listened to?

This song has been stuck in my head for ages! Home is in Your Eyes by Greyson Chance.

5. When was the last time you cried?

Probably about 6 hours ago. I watched Titanic. The weird thing is, when I hear My Heart Will Go On's instrumental version in the movie, tears automatically dance their way out. God, every time that music comes on, the movie just becomes so touching. I tell you, this movie is magic. The first time I saw it about 13 years ago, double the overwhelming feeling when I saw it again today.

6. Have you ever dated someone twice?

Remember that time when you asked me where I was going when I told you to cancel our dinner because I had to go to my lonely friend who needed me for comfort? Exactly.

7. Have you ever been cheated on?

Absolutely. I hired an assassin and killed the bitch while having hardcore sex with the 3rd party. I specifically instructed the assassin to assassinate the assassination at around 2:30 AM when it was already the climax and on the brink of orgasm. If it's possible to talk to a dead body, I would've asked how it felt -- dying while having orgasm.

8. Have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?

Yes. I kissed a 21-year old Leonardo DiCaprio. I regretted it, of course! I realized that Leonardo is already 36. It turns out, I kissed Mystique from X-Men disguised as Leonardo. That bitch.

9. Have you ever lost someone special?

Yes. I adopted a special child 2 years ago. He also had ADHD. One afternoon, he went out and teased a hungry street dog. The dog chased him down the street and eventually getting hit by a garbage truck.

10. Have you ever been depressed?

I have never ever been depressed. I mean, how can I? I've never studied in the seminary. Only depressed can initiate a mass, baptize babies, steal money from the townsfolk by secretly spending the donations. How can I be depressed?

11. Have you ever been drunk and threw up?

I don't need to get drunk to throw up. I'll just stare at your face or perform Bulimia.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12: Sirius Black
13: Jean Grey
14: White Men's (T-shirt)

This year,

15. Have you made a new friend?

While I was prancing about an enchanted forest one day, I met a pretty, luculent girl on a pretty, luculent dress sitting prettily luculent by the whimsical riverside. As I was approaching her, I noticed she had intense, muscular arms. It turns out, she was a tranny. Her name was Chu-chu. Chu-chu the tranny.

16. Have you fallen out of love?

I have my own faith and principles. If he loves me, then he will love my God too.

17. Have you laughed until you cried?

Try laughing now and suddenly cry. Tell me what people think about you. I didn't think so.

18. Have you met someone who changed you?

One morning, while I was washing my face, I noticed that my nose was ugly. So I went to a plastic surgeon and he changed me.

19. Have you found out who your true friends were?

Certainly. It turns out that the dolls I have been playing with and considered my friends were false!

20. Have you found out someone was talking about you?

Found out? I don't need to find out. I know.

21. Have you dated someone on your friends list?

Of course. What are friends for?

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life?

As many as the raindrops that fall down every time I kill a frog intentionally.

23. How many kids do you want?

I want about 43. I'm just kidding! Get it? Kid? Laugh. I order you to laugh.

24. Do you have any pets?

I have a wild boar I named Michael G. I don't feed him, though. Because he's been a very bad boar.

25. Do you want to change your name?

Certainly. I want my name to be Bounty Hunter.

26. What did you do for your last birthday?

I kicked the shit out of people. They didn't hate me because it was my birthday!

27. What time did you wake up today?

I died today. Like, 12 times.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Oh no. I don't remember. But I remember waking up with my clothes all torn and ruined, with blood all over my mouth and hands.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for.

I cannot wait for the black hole to eat up earth and destroy all the bitches of the world.

30. When was the last time you saw your Mother?

Mother the Queen is busy and is tending to her business. She shall not be disturbed.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?

Thank you for that question that deserves a good answer. Well, I don't wanna change anything about my life. I'm perfectly fine with who I am. That would be all, thank you. Arriba Brazil!

32. What are you listening to right now?

I'm listening to my boyfriend's teeth nibbling a lollipop. Oh yeah.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?

Tom Riddle. He betrayed me.

34. Who's on your nerves right now?

You know when you've been inside your room with all the airconditioner and stuff? And then you stepped out from there and suddenly it becomes hot as hell? That's what I'm talking about.

35. What is your most visited webpage?

That porn site.

36. What's your real name?

My real name is... Jack. Yes. Jack Andabinstok.

37. Nicknames?

Jackielou Blanco. Jack O'lantern. Jack Dawson. Jack off.

38. Relationship Status:

Single and ready to finger.

39. Zodiac sign:

Scorpio Nights.

40. Are you male or female?

I'm a transgendered shemale. But I was born a hermaphrodite.

41. Primary School:

Pokey Oaks School.

42. Secondary School:

Philippine High School of Felony and Estafa.

43. College:

Criminal University of the Philippines.

44. Hair color:

Magenta

45. Long or short:

8 inches.

46. Height:

Height of poverty.

50. Tattoos:

I have a unicorn tattoo hidden away where no one can see it.

51. Righty or lefty:

Versatile.

76. Have you ever kissed a stranger?

I even had sex with a stranger.

77. Have you ever drank hard liquor: was it hard?

You asked if I ever drank HARD liquor, right? Then why are you still asking me if it was HARD? What the hell. You're annoying sometimes. No, I take that back. You're annoying always!

78. Have you ever lost glasses/contacts?

Of course. When I lose my phone, I lose my contacts. Quite self-explanatory, don't you think?

79. Have you ever sex on first date?

I just told you, right?

80. Have you ever broken someone's heart?

Yes. I broke the heart of my fish. I fed her to the neighbor's cat because I am a crazy bastard.

82. Have you ever been arrested?

Absolutely. I am a rich mastermind that owns lots of crystal meth factories. However, since I am rich, I got away with it using my efficient helicopter that rescued me from the authorities. Since this is the Philippines, it is relatively easy to escape.

83. Have you turned someone down?

I was a Muay Thai artist before so yeah, I turned pretty much many people.

85. Have you ever fallen for a friend?

Yes. We fell together but he was under so he was the one that got dirty. I had to face the consequences after, though.

86. Do you believe in yourself?

No, I do not. I believe in the establishment of a biological order through the maelstrom of physical and chemical chaos.

87. Do you believe in miracles?

We all know walang himala. Like, duh? But yeah, I believe in miracles. You sexy thing.

88. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I will believe this if you believe that the statue of Mama Mary and Jesus actually cries genuine HIV-free blood.

89. Do you believe in heaven?
Yes. Every time I have sex with a really hot creature.

90. Do you believe in Santa Claus?

Jolly old saint Nicolas, lean your ear this way. Blah blah blah blah any song, what I'm gonna say.

91. Do you believe in kiss on the first date?

Kiss? Seriously, kiss? Just go all the way. Loser.

92. Do you believe in angels?

Well, just between us. I'm a demon. So yeah, angels are the bitches trying to mesmerize and catch me using their screechy voices. The horror!

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time?

I assume there are hundreds of dimensions in each time. So I'm guessing that's also the number of lovers I have. I'm being logical here.

95. Did you sing today?

I sing as often as I fart.

96. Ever cheated on somebody?

One day, I was in school. It was really a rough time for me. My lover broke up with me. My bestfriend stopped talking to me, and my dog ran away. It just so happened that it was time to take my Calculus exam. I just had to do it. I'm sorry.

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?

If I could then I'll time-hop. I won't go back to just one moment. That's so boring.

98. The moment you would choose to relive.

The moment when the person made my surname. I greatly want to interrogate that person and how many generations has it been since this very moment.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love?

Falling in love, for me, is like gossip. It's no big deal.

100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?

No, I most certainly am not. I am the king of the world.